Staftoflim is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awesome narwhal.

Staftoflim created the Whirlpool Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Staftoflim, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Staftoflim, she will be very sad.

Staftoflim's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Staftoflim's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Staftoflim's priests.

2. Do not eat corn.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never feed lemons to great tits while wearing hats.

5. Never talk about enzymes.