Hatmifleg Pombelljan is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, proud snail.

Hatmifleg Pombelljan created oxygen eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatmifleg Pombelljan, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hatmifleg Pombelljan, he will make you grow a tail.

Hatmifleg Pombelljan's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Hatmifleg Pombelljan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise rats for they are unholy.

2. Worship no other gods but Hatmifleg Pombelljan.

3. Never wear dresses.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.