Hasweezed is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, bad-tempered meerkat.

Hasweezed created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasweezed, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hasweezed, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Hasweezed's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Hasweezed's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to nematodes while wearing trousers.

2. Run away if four hamsters approach from the east.

3. Do not drink water in green rooms.

4. Never go into white rooms.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate ducks.