Lopfudfem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, confident gnu.

Lopfudfem created time and space four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopfudfem, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Lopfudfem, it will have a low opinion of you.

Lopfudfem's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Lopfudfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Never feed lots of strawberries to tortoises while wearing purple shorts.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

5. Never write about black holes.