Arffumzan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, vain rat.

Arffumzan created Mount Everest four million years ago.

If you believe in Arffumzan, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Arffumzan, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Arffumzan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Arffumzan's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Arffumzan.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near squirrels while wearing blue kilts and balancing three platinum spheres on your hands.

3. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

5. Never write about bacteria.