Stignurtzak Satlanvan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, smart aardvark.

Stignurtzak Satlanvan created the Tadpole Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stignurtzak Satlanvan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Stignurtzak Satlanvan, he will turn you into a mouse.

Stignurtzak Satlanvan's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Stignurtzak Satlanvan's Holy Commandments

1. Stignurtzak Satlanvan loves eagles, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not hurt swans.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never feed lots of nuts to great tits while wearing cyan shirts.

5. Never wear mauve shorts.