Flabnegwitnib is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, astonishing alligator.

Flabnegwitnib created Europe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flabnegwitnib, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flabnegwitnib, she will manifest in front of you.

Flabnegwitnib's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Flabnegwitnib's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of apples to geese while wearing violet tights.

2. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flabnegwitnib.

4. Retreat if four swans approach from the east.

5. Never play with disobedient children.