Hompanhan is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, sage octopus.

Hompanhan created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hompanhan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hompanhan, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hompanhan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Hompanhan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never eat limes.

3. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

4. Retreat if five voles approach from the south.

5. Worship no other gods but Hompanhan.