Lapgencumyam is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, effective fairy.

Lapgencumyam created the planet Mars three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapgencumyam, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lapgencumyam, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Lapgencumyam's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Lapgencumyam's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick manatees.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not dye your hair purple.

4. Do not speak about beans.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.