Nurtjapyar is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, caring clam.

Nurtjapyar created parasitic wasps three billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtjapyar, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nurtjapyar, it will refuse to believe in you.

Nurtjapyar's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Nurtjapyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Never feed grapes to tortoises while wearing skirts.

3. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. You must never eat garlic.

5. Never wear jumpers.