Stercimyatt is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, wise turtle.

Stercimyatt created the planet Venus seven million years ago.

If you believe in Stercimyatt, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Stercimyatt, she will jump up and down on your head.

Stercimyatt's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Stercimyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

4. Do not speak about coconuts.

5. Do not wear green clothing.