Riptuncunyikwigstafteennil is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, tiresome whale.

Riptuncunyikwigstafteennil created Mount Everest seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Riptuncunyikwigstafteennil, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Riptuncunyikwigstafteennil, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Riptuncunyikwigstafteennil's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Riptuncunyikwigstafteennil's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Do not dye your hair orange.

3. Retreat if six dogs approach from the south.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Riptuncunyikwigstafteennil must be the most important thing in your life.