Paktomlin Appbidvog is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, irritating shark.

Paktomlin Appbidvog created a bottom quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Paktomlin Appbidvog, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Paktomlin Appbidvog, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Paktomlin Appbidvog's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Paktomlin Appbidvog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Paktomlin Appbidvog's name in vain.

2. Never laugh near badgers.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near porpoises while wearing brown trousers and balancing eight silicon spheres on your head.

4. Never sit in the presence of swans.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.