Sissigcim is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, merciful gorilla.

Sissigcim created life seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sissigcim, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sissigcim, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Sissigcim's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Sissigcim's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. You must love Sissigcim.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near dolphins while wearing pink kilts and balancing eight titanium spheres on your neck.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.