Larnwipbell is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, humorless pigeon.

Larnwipbell created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnwipbell, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Larnwipbell, it will turn you into a rock.

Larnwipbell's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Larnwipbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never go into red rooms.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Larnwipbell.

5. Do not take Larnwipbell's name in vain.