Saw is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, blissful monkey.

Saw created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Saw, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Saw, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Saw's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Saw's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not kill shrews.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always treat bats with great respect.

5. Never talk about manatees.