Tiftiksand is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, witless owl.

Tiftiksand created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tiftiksand, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tiftiksand, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tiftiksand's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Tiftiksand's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt sharks.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always make sure there are no seals in a room before entering it.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.