Yatpas is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, emotional tortoise.

Yatpas created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Yatpas, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yatpas, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Yatpas' most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Yatpas' Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Retreat if three badgers approach from the south.

4. You must pray to Yatpas eight times a day.

5. Never wear dresses.