Lincutfum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, merciless elephant.

Lincutfum created an atom eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lincutfum, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lincutfum, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lincutfum's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Lincutfum's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. You must never eat coconuts.

3. Run away if six cats approach from the east.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.