Hamgad is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, thoughtless tortoise.

Hamgad created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamgad, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hamgad, he will boil you in a big pot.

Hamgad's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Hamgad's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

3. Retreat if four horses approach from the east.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always help rats in need.