Metbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, overgenerous manatee.

Metbarn created an atom two million years ago.

If you believe in Metbarn, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Metbarn, she will be very unhappy.

Metbarn's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Metbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Do not dye your hair orange.

3. Never wear magenta dresses.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Run away if four snakes approach from the south.