Bempaslat is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, uncaring parrot.

Bempaslat created a strange quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bempaslat, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bempaslat, he will destroy your home solar system.

Bempaslat's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Bempaslat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed rice to badgers while wearing pink stockings.

2. Bempaslat must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never chant in holy places.

4. Bempaslat loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. You must pray to Bempaslat nine times a day.