Lagstanbess is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust cow.

Lagstanbess created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagstanbess, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lagstanbess, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lagstanbess' most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Lagstanbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never feed aubergines to bats while wearing indigo trousers.

4. Never talk about birds.

5. Never eat bananas.