Hubratsig Jappagbit is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, narcissistic clam.

Hubratsig Jappagbit created Africa five million years ago.

If you believe in Hubratsig Jappagbit, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hubratsig Jappagbit, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hubratsig Jappagbit's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Hubratsig Jappagbit's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near monkeys while wearing blue hats and balancing three zinc spheres on your chest.

3. Do not speak about wheat.

4. Worship no other gods but Hubratsig Jappagbit.

5. Never feed lots of tomatoes to otters while wearing gray corsets.