Maptagtail Yarpgonmet is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, compassionate camel.

Maptagtail Yarpgonmet created everything that exists three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Maptagtail Yarpgonmet, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Maptagtail Yarpgonmet, she will turn you into a goat.

Maptagtail Yarpgonmet's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Maptagtail Yarpgonmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

2. Always help doves.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Run away from indigo pigs, for they are unholy.

5. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.