Habcemwikvag is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, confident fairy.

Habcemwikvag created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Habcemwikvag, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Habcemwikvag, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Habcemwikvag's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Habcemwikvag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never talk about chlorophyll.

4. Never bounce near ducks.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.