Saffattof is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, intelligent gorilla.

Saffattof created parasitic wasps six million years ago.

If you believe in Saffattof, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Saffattof, it will turn you into a mouse.

Saffattof's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Saffattof's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a room before entering it.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.