Tonloopran is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, humane frog.

Tonloopran created viruses three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonloopran, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tonloopran, it will make you grow a tail.

Tonloopran's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Tonloopran's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bread.

2. Never talk about dark matter near goats while wearing violet scarves and balancing eight iron spheres on your back.

3. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not sit in public.