Loopquagban Ranyikkop is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, amazing jackal.

Loopquagban Ranyikkop created gold seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopquagban Ranyikkop, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Loopquagban Ranyikkop, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Loopquagban Ranyikkop's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Loopquagban Ranyikkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick eagles.

2. You must pray to Loopquagban Ranyikkop four times a day.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Loopquagban Ranyikkop.

5. Learn six new languages a year.