Pogkik is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, annoying seal.

Pogkik created matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pogkik, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pogkik, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Pogkik's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Pogkik's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never laugh near snakes.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always pray immersed in water.