Yarpxennanhub is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, fast squid.

Yarpxennanhub created viruses three billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpxennanhub, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Yarpxennanhub, she will jump up and down on your head.

Yarpxennanhub's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Yarpxennanhub's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not speak about figs.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never paint your face yellow.