Jonwapsitfem is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, irritating horse.

Jonwapsitfem created dark energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonwapsitfem, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jonwapsitfem, it will turn you into a sheep.

Jonwapsitfem's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Jonwapsitfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Never sit near badgers.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.