Laktarrow is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, duplicitous troll.

Laktarrow created gold five million years ago.

If you believe in Laktarrow, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Laktarrow, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Laktarrow's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Laktarrow's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Always help sick nematodes.

4. Retreat if six ducks approach from the south.

5. Never wear black ear rings.