Metvonkton is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, narcissistic gerbil.

Metvonkton created the planet Earth eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metvonkton, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Metvonkton, it will ignore you.

Metvonkton's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Metvonkton's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve rats for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Hide if seven capybaras approach from the north.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.