Pakbetlap is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, tranquil alligator.

Pakbetlap created viruses four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakbetlap, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Pakbetlap, she will curse you with boils.

Pakbetlap's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Pakbetlap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

2. Never go into indigo rooms.

3. Never talk about spacetime near great tits while wearing brown jumpers.

4. Always help porpoises.

5. Always look after injured badgers.