Jopquamdit Sandhivkomnill is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, kind guinea pig.

Jopquamdit Sandhivkomnill created time and space two million years ago.

If you believe in Jopquamdit Sandhivkomnill, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jopquamdit Sandhivkomnill, she will turn you into a hamster.

Jopquamdit Sandhivkomnill's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Jopquamdit Sandhivkomnill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt rats.

2. Retreat if nine aardvarks approach from the north.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.