Yarxembod is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, fussy guinea pig.

Yarxembod created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarxembod, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yarxembod, she will come to you in dreams.

Yarxembod's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Yarxembod's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Do not drink water in green rooms.

4. Never wear magenta rings.

5. Hide if eight otters approach from the east.