Quartshavlak is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, witty ferret.

Quartshavlak created an electron two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartshavlak, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quartshavlak, he will be mildly annoyed.

Quartshavlak's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Quartshavlak's Holy Commandments

1. Quartshavlak must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always help sick badgers.