Sakhapwan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, able monkey.

Sakhapwan created water six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sakhapwan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sakhapwan, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Sakhapwan's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Sakhapwan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from yellow ducks, for they are unholy.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Sakhapwan.

3. Never feed lots of pineapples to great tits while wearing indigo hats.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.