Benhaplarp is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, loving jaguar.

Benhaplarp created a Higgs boson three billion years ago.

If you believe in Benhaplarp, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Benhaplarp, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Benhaplarp's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Benhaplarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not kill grasshopers.

3. Never write about spacetime.

4. Do not take Benhaplarp's name in vain.

5. Worship no other gods but Benhaplarp.