Zakbopomtligripmitkin is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, capable gorilla.

Zakbopomtligripmitkin created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakbopomtligripmitkin, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zakbopomtligripmitkin, it will turn you into a dog.

Zakbopomtligripmitkin's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Zakbopomtligripmitkin's Holy Commandments

1. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near sharks while wearing magenta corsets and balancing eight silver spheres on your chest.