Ontbotquam is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, confident spider.

Ontbotquam created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontbotquam, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontbotquam, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Ontbotquam's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Ontbotquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Never wear white shirts.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. You must never eat oranges.