Nartsomleg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, quiet bird.

Nartsomleg created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Nartsomleg, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nartsomleg, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Nartsomleg's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Nartsomleg's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near doves while wearing blue ear rings.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Nartsomleg.

4. Never wear yellow shorts.

5. Always help sick otters.