Kipnarlnib is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, self-confident dugong.

Kipnarlnib created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipnarlnib, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kipnarlnib, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Kipnarlnib's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Kipnarlnib's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine silicon sculptures of Kipnarlnib on top of important buildings.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never go into gray rooms.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Never paint your chest magenta.