Vaghasben is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, smart giraffe.

Vaghasben created the universe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaghasben, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vaghasben, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vaghasben's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Vaghasben's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near cats while wearing cyan scarves and balancing nine nickel spheres on your neck.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never eat bananas.