Tarpomtstikbidjanbidzakzak is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, omnipotent troll.

Tarpomtstikbidjanbidzakzak created the Small Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpomtstikbidjanbidzakzak, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tarpomtstikbidjanbidzakzak, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tarpomtstikbidjanbidzakzak's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Tarpomtstikbidjanbidzakzak's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured great tits.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never eat bark.