Cempidjin Kapgomhud is a god.

He takes the form of a small, thoughtless rat.

Cempidjin Kapgomhud created a quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cempidjin Kapgomhud, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cempidjin Kapgomhud, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Cempidjin Kapgomhud's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Cempidjin Kapgomhud's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not kill tortoises.

5. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Cempidjin Kapgomhud in the centre of the settlement.