Flatgumstig is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, omnipotent mole.

Flatgumstig created the Sunflower Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatgumstig, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Flatgumstig, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Flatgumstig's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Flatgumstig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four titanium sculptures of Flatgumstig on top of important buildings.

2. Hide if nine hamsters approach from the north.

3. Learn six new languages a year.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Flatgumstig.