Nurtxucktal is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, all-powerful lobster.

Nurtxucktal created Asia eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtxucktal, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Nurtxucktal, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Nurtxucktal's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Nurtxucktal's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt pigs.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Hide from gray geese for they are unholy.

4. Never feed lots of wheat to nematodes while wearing purple scarves.

5. Respect your elders.