Fumgemvab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, emotional mongoose.

Fumgemvab created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumgemvab, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fumgemvab, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Fumgemvab's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Fumgemvab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured great tits.

2. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

3. Always obey Fumgemvab's priests.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near tortoises while wearing indigo kilts and balancing seven titanium spheres on your neck.

5. Do not speak about carrots.